Answers to common questions
What is a Death Doula? (And why that name!?)
A Death Doula, or End of Life Doula, or Death Midwife is a non-medical and holistic practitioner who guides individuals and their families through the dying process by way of presence, support, advocacy, education, and companionship. Just as birth doulas support mothers birthing a new life, a death doula supports individuals leaving this life into the next. I know having the word “Death” in my title can be a little jarring at first, but trying to soften it felt disingenuous to me, plus this is an emerging, growing role in end-of-life care that was identified, and the name established, in the late 1990s.
Why would I need to hire a Death Doula? (And why would I want to?)
I don’t know why this isn’t made more clear, but one of the main roles of a hospice nurse is to not to provide constant patient care but to educate family and friend caregivers on how to take care of their dying loved one. That means patient care, monitoring and administration of medications is not the responsibility of the Hospice nurse who visits ~1 hour/week, it’s the responsibility of the caregivers. Hospice nurses do amazing work, but they are limited to specific amounts of time that they can spend with patients and their families. That’s where Death Doulas come in. Death Doulas are a calming and reassuring presence with knowledge of the death process that act as a compassionate and guiding resource for families who may be overwhelmed and grieving at the impending death of their loved one. Death Doulas offer a variety of services to assist in the transition of dying, but are first and foremost a grounding, reliable, knowledgable and comforting presence to patients and caregivers during a most emotional time.
How are you different from what hospice offers?
I highly recommend every person and family facing a terminal illness and end of life call their local hospice as soon as possible. My doula services do not replace hospice's medical team of nursing and physician care, but I complement hospice teams seamlessly. I offer more time, more personalized attention, more continuity at bedside, more advocacy, and more availability beyond what hospice is normally able to provide due to Medicare guidelines that restrict their time and scope of care. My training goes beyond what hospice volunteer programs provide and I am trained and practiced to be a part of the care team, working not only with patients and caregivers but also in support of Hospice teams to provide insight into the patient’s status and needs. My presence, knowledge and companionship, my advocacy, my coaching to customize end-of-life care plans, and most of all, my consistent relationships with my clients is not a service offered anywhere else.
When should I contact a Death Doula?
Death Doulas can be contacted during “healthy times” for proactive planning prior to a diagnosis or urgent need, or any time during the end of life process from diagnosis, forward. The sooner the doula can enter into the process, the more time can be spent getting to know the individual and family, creating quality care plans and prioritizing end of life needs.
How much do your services cost? Are they covered by insurance?
Unfortunately my services are not covered by insurance, which can be considered good and bad. Bad because that means cost is out of pocket for patients and families, but good because I am not restricted in the amount of time I can spend supporting patients and their caregivers. I have specific pay structures outlined in packages as well as hourly rates based on the specific needs and services provided, and these will be clearly communicated and established from the beginning.
My loved one is dying and I don’t live near them, but you do, can I hire you to help?
Absolutely—this is what I do, and it’s a privilege to be able to provide a level of comfort when people need it most.
Where can I learn more about Death Doulas?
There is so much you can learn just by Googling it, but here are some links to articles that help explain Death Doulas and their role in end-of-life care:
‘Death Doulas’ Provide Aid at the End of Life
Death doulas provide comfort on final journey: 'We know how to die'
I have a question that you didn’t answer here, now what?
Now you contact me via email, text or phone call and I will answer it if I can! And don’t worry, there aren’t too many questions that I haven’t already been asked, so don’t worry if you think what you’re wondering is unusual or silly—no such thing.
Do you provide Spiritual guidance or Reiki?
I do not, but some Doulas do—if you’re interested in a Doula who is more spiritually focused, I can help you find one in your area! (This does not mean that I don’t have any spirituality, or knowledge of spiritual support, but I do tend to be more compassionate yet practical.)
How many clients do you support at once?
End-of-life is not something that runs on a set schedule, and it is a sacred time for people and their loved ones so I provide full-time, in-person support for one end-of-life patient at a time. How much time you’d like me to spend with you or your loved one will be discussed and clearly communicated before we begin and can range from hourly to daily to weekly…together we’ll figure out what’s best for your needs.
What if I hire you for my loved one who is dying, but they don’t like you?
There is a termination clause in the contract that we’ll sign, so you simply tell me that plans have changed and my services will no longer be needed and get back to focusing on what’s most important. This is not the time to worry about my feelings, you need to prioritize your loved one’s and your family’s comfort above all, no questions asked! It’s ok! I will still help you in any way that I can to find another Doula or solution.